Hey everyone!
Since many of you had questions or suggestions and ideas, I tried to answer a few longer comments you left.
Thanks a lot - first and foremost - for all of your comments! I liked having so many of your talking and I really wish we could do this more often (maybe not stories with over 100 pages though ;)
Now have a great evening and a good start into the new week!
Your comments (copied from the list) in black, my answers in blue.
I didnt answer every comment, only if there was a question or something that needed explanation, please dont be mad, I was happy about every comment!
Vicksta1982 said...
I like the characters, as it's all very mysterious at
this stage. The start is very promising and leads to wanting to find out more.
There's definitely something in the air coming, good or bad I'm still figuring it out.
I think the plot is fine as it is, my only concern and what I wouldn't like to see is, for it to built up so well at the start for it to have a flat ending where it loses its appeal.
I can always imagine things when I'm reading.
I do think the changes happen a bit too quickly though more build up about the travels, were they travelling fast or slow paced...how is it the guy they were meeting came to them so quickly. Obviously there isn't going to be the smooth hand over and I suspect there will be lots of resistance...for a while.
Anyway those are my thoughts!
There's definitely something in the air coming, good or bad I'm still figuring it out.
I think the plot is fine as it is, my only concern and what I wouldn't like to see is, for it to built up so well at the start for it to have a flat ending where it loses its appeal.
I can always imagine things when I'm reading.
I do think the changes happen a bit too quickly though more build up about the travels, were they travelling fast or slow paced...how is it the guy they were meeting came to them so quickly. Obviously there isn't going to be the smooth hand over and I suspect there will be lots of resistance...for a while.
Anyway those are my thoughts!
@ Vicksta: about
the built up more: It was my intention to start the story at a point where it
was exciting already. Of coures it could have started with the main character
on the boat, asking herself where it would all end up for her, maybe everyday
life on the boat and some of her memories already, but I didnt want to give
anything away and also I wanted it to start really abrupt and catch the attention.
I realised that many oft eh books or short stories I put aside simply have an
introduction that is too long. I dont wanna hear too much in advance, I want
them to sit right there, eat and apple and get the call or letter that changes
everything. The first page needs to catch the attention, that is why I chose
not to start earlier and built up more.
As you can also see during the story, everything will be explained, but not on the same page. I love it when a story keeps me curious and reveiles its secrets bit by bit.
As you can also see during the story, everything will be explained, but not on the same page. I love it when a story keeps me curious and reveiles its secrets bit by bit.
Kara said...
WHO IS THIS ERIC FELLOW????
Yes, in all caps and everything.
Awww... Shane to the rescue, so sexy and mysterious as usual... and Kian, you're a bad, bad man tut tut.
Is it me or do you all picture them in their Bop Bop Baby video attire? I had Mark with a little goatie on and all. Haha
I loved it. I always say the first chapter has to be the best in a story. If it hooks people, they will want to read the rest. And this definitely caught my attention and will keep me desperate for more.
Great job!
The suspense is killing me... who is this Eric person? Why is my Shane afraid of him? So many questions... arrrgh :)
Yes, in all caps and everything.
Awww... Shane to the rescue, so sexy and mysterious as usual... and Kian, you're a bad, bad man tut tut.
Is it me or do you all picture them in their Bop Bop Baby video attire? I had Mark with a little goatie on and all. Haha
I loved it. I always say the first chapter has to be the best in a story. If it hooks people, they will want to read the rest. And this definitely caught my attention and will keep me desperate for more.
Great job!
The suspense is killing me... who is this Eric person? Why is my Shane afraid of him? So many questions... arrrgh :)
@Kara: I also saw
Bop Bop on my mind, maybe they were even dirtier ;)
Kara said...
On a side note... especially for these historicals,
researching is very important.
I learned that women with long, waist-long hair were rich or royalty. So by the hero cutting off her hair he is trying to help her look less 'important', like she is just some common girl.
It makes sense with the others saying she had pretty luggage/clothes as if she is a rich woman that they can get a huge ransom.
In keeping with the historical accuracy of it all, that part was an important detail not to be missed.
Just my two cents...
I learned that women with long, waist-long hair were rich or royalty. So by the hero cutting off her hair he is trying to help her look less 'important', like she is just some common girl.
It makes sense with the others saying she had pretty luggage/clothes as if she is a rich woman that they can get a huge ransom.
In keeping with the historical accuracy of it all, that part was an important detail not to be missed.
Just my two cents...
Neverland said...
Kara, you are on the right track :) Most oft he things are really
explained with small details and that’s what gives a fic some more spice. I tried to be as accurate as
I could but without using too much historical background. I wanted it to be a
mixture and I wanted it to be about the different people
Monique said...
Eeek, that was one chapter with a LOT of information
being thrown around lol I actually had to read it three times but I think I got
it figured out now.
The thing I'm struggling with most is that there's a lot of names going around. The men that are with Hugh, then there's the bad guys, then there's Shane's family plus nicknames and last names being used.
At first I didn't realise who Dorem was when he was attacking Hugh lol But after reading it again it all clicked. He's a not so dead cousin and he's after my money and property... U-ooooh!
For me, because of all the names it was hard to figure out which ones were the main characters you know.
*puts on scripting-police cap*
Mark makes such a cute blonde *ahem :p* ;)
Also; I had some troubles finding where the second part started (ended up reading it all again, which wasn't that much of a burden really but still lol) Seeing as you don't have chapters going on (yet??) could you do something else to make it a little easier to find maybe? (and if you have a scripting program that messes up scripts when adding changes, you know where to find me ;))
/end of script bitching
So a monk aye... *wink wink* Looks to me that he's made the right choice ditching that profession.
The thing I'm struggling with most is that there's a lot of names going around. The men that are with Hugh, then there's the bad guys, then there's Shane's family plus nicknames and last names being used.
At first I didn't realise who Dorem was when he was attacking Hugh lol But after reading it again it all clicked. He's a not so dead cousin and he's after my money and property... U-ooooh!
For me, because of all the names it was hard to figure out which ones were the main characters you know.
*puts on scripting-police cap*
Mark makes such a cute blonde *ahem :p* ;)
Also; I had some troubles finding where the second part started (ended up reading it all again, which wasn't that much of a burden really but still lol) Seeing as you don't have chapters going on (yet??) could you do something else to make it a little easier to find maybe? (and if you have a scripting program that messes up scripts when adding changes, you know where to find me ;))
/end of script bitching
So a monk aye... *wink wink* Looks to me that he's made the right choice ditching that profession.
@ Monique: my
favourite scripting police ;) I hope it all went smooth and without anymore blonds
somewhere ;)
Him becoming a monk shows his deep despair (for me) and giving up on it is part of his character's development
Him becoming a monk shows his deep despair (for me) and giving up on it is part of his character's development
Marlene said...
Hey again! Puh, Monique is right there are many names
in this part! but I found it interresting how the pasts were reveiled. The
monk, the family, her wealth. It felt like getting to know them more.
The Dorem thing I felt as well. at first I didn't know where to put him but then suddenly I saw the picture.
Just one thing about the story itself: Don't you feel that they are too close? It is Nicky in my case I changed it again :) and in there first night they were a little close and I wasn't sure if I liked it when the love story between them starts so suddenly. In the end it didn't look like the rush I had feared so I will be waiting for the next update
The Dorem thing I felt as well. at first I didn't know where to put him but then suddenly I saw the picture.
Just one thing about the story itself: Don't you feel that they are too close? It is Nicky in my case I changed it again :) and in there first night they were a little close and I wasn't sure if I liked it when the love story between them starts so suddenly. In the end it didn't look like the rush I had feared so I will be waiting for the next update
@Marlene: After
reading the next parts, do you still think that they are too close from the
start? After reading your comment I thought about it for a while, and you know
what? At first they had been a loooot closer during this first night but I
deleted it. She is from a wealthy family, well educated and rich, that is
definitely something she wouldn’t do J that is why I
tried to curve around that and escape from the love-story that would have been
far too early at that point.
Monique said...
All the names, it's not necessarily a bad thing Noa ;)
I think that if I kept on reading the whole story in one part I'd probably get
into it sooner. Now it ended where it did and I was confused so I read back lol
If there had been more story, I probably wouldn't just yet and figured out the
most important ones along the way.
You made the right decession I think not to script them. Not only would that be hell for you to do lol it would only make things much more complicated if one name accidentely didn't get scripted lol You've scripted just the right ones, the rest of them I'm sure to get to know better if the story continues ;)
About the blond thing; I always do a general search while scripting. I'd first search for all the browns and change them as they belong, then I go and find blond, blonde, blue, brown, dark, green. The most common ones y'know. But one or the other will always slip through. Scripting is a bitch! Hahaha
You made the right decession I think not to script them. Not only would that be hell for you to do lol it would only make things much more complicated if one name accidentely didn't get scripted lol You've scripted just the right ones, the rest of them I'm sure to get to know better if the story continues ;)
About the blond thing; I always do a general search while scripting. I'd first search for all the browns and change them as they belong, then I go and find blond, blonde, blue, brown, dark, green. The most common ones y'know. But one or the other will always slip through. Scripting is a bitch! Hahaha
@Monique: Maybe it
is right and it would have been easier to read the whole story right away, but
I wanted to discuss every part itself. The whole fic is throwing you around a
little because oft he changes that happen, that’s what I felt. But it would
definitely be easier to understand.
Question for
everyone: Can we do this more often and discuss part by part? I really like it
and find it more interesting that way, but I wanna make sure that you guys are
on board with it (not Eric’s boat of course ;)
Vicksta1982 said...
For this third part, I really enjoyed it. At times it
was amusing as well. The growing and rather obvious attraction was a highlight
though I sense because of the situation they find themselves in nothing can
really happen yet...or maybe it won't and all this bubbling potential
attraction is only a result of the situation....hope I didn't confuse you with
that. LOL.
Everything seems to be getting more intense and theres a lot of suspense going on. Don't let me down! ;-) haha
Everything seems to be getting more intense and theres a lot of suspense going on. Don't let me down! ;-) haha
@Vicksta: you didnt
confuse me, that was exactly what I had in mind ;)
Bianca said...
So is this the ending to the story?? Cause its amazing
so far an amazing piece of writing you've done xx
@Bianca: It really is
the end of the story J I didnt wanna drag it out more and more. It is always
hard to write a short story and put an end to it at a certain point, but it is
important and hast o be done. I read a book with short stories at the hospital
and from all 25 I didnt even like one. It felt as if they were unable to find
an attracting start for it, build up suspense and find an ending. Very sad for
detective or mystery novels L It felt as if they had simply tried to shorten a long
book each time. I admire people that are able to write short stories, most of
mine are not really short ;)
Monique said...
Oooh, it's ended already?! :o haha After the third
part I did not see that coming. There was a lot of build up in that part and
the fourth part seemed a bit rushed to me.
For instance, that sister that had her eyes on my man. I kinda still feel the need of slapping her lol
Overall I've enjoyed the story. I do think I need to re-read it again to fully grasp all that was happening, it was a lot to take in! haha
Eric was quite the meany, wasn't he. Good thing his throat got cut, well deserved too. Jeez, he must have traumatised quite some people for life if they even lived to tell the tale at all.
It was very courageous of Mark to go back to that horrible place to safe me. I did wish we got to look inside his head a bit more, it must have been a real struggle for him to go through. But also the way he was falling for me and the decission for him becoming a monk and then not anymore. I can fill in some of the pieces by stuff he told in the story but it would've been nice to get inside his mind a bit more if that makes any sense lol
You've deffo made an effort to put a lot of gore in there haha Had me shudder for real. It's a miracle Kian survived all that really, he must be a real strong man.
Also, it was nice to see that the meany lifer still turned out to be not that bad in the end trying to help me escape even if that failed.
>> and now I'm all inspired to go back to writing on my own historical. It's fun! teeheee!
(ps; you should add tags to this post aswell, at least your name, to make it easier to find the story when it has disappeared off the main page in a few weeks time ;))
For instance, that sister that had her eyes on my man. I kinda still feel the need of slapping her lol
Overall I've enjoyed the story. I do think I need to re-read it again to fully grasp all that was happening, it was a lot to take in! haha
Eric was quite the meany, wasn't he. Good thing his throat got cut, well deserved too. Jeez, he must have traumatised quite some people for life if they even lived to tell the tale at all.
It was very courageous of Mark to go back to that horrible place to safe me. I did wish we got to look inside his head a bit more, it must have been a real struggle for him to go through. But also the way he was falling for me and the decission for him becoming a monk and then not anymore. I can fill in some of the pieces by stuff he told in the story but it would've been nice to get inside his mind a bit more if that makes any sense lol
You've deffo made an effort to put a lot of gore in there haha Had me shudder for real. It's a miracle Kian survived all that really, he must be a real strong man.
Also, it was nice to see that the meany lifer still turned out to be not that bad in the end trying to help me escape even if that failed.
>> and now I'm all inspired to go back to writing on my own historical. It's fun! teeheee!
(ps; you should add tags to this post aswell, at least your name, to make it easier to find the story when it has disappeared off the main page in a few weeks time ;))
@ Monique: Yepp,
that sister ;) I wanted to slap her as well, but she was neccessary
to show another part of his past and also the new side, the man be had become.
He is indeed strong but I hope it became obvious how much time and effort it
took him to get over that bad things that had happened to him.
About the „insight“ : I think you have a point there but I wrote the whole part with her as the personal narrator, so I didnt have the chance to switch that. All you can see is her point of viwe and I didnt wanna split because it would have maybe gone wrong and become confusing. She/You tell the story, he and his thoughts can only be a part o fit. Sometimes it is very hard, like when he looks into her eyes and suddenly he knows something… we don’t know that and I can’t simply claim that he suddenly feels it. All I can say ist hat he apparentely seems to sense it or that she feels/ sensest hat he knows something. It is always a little easier with a third person narrator but then I could not have gone into detail with her feelings and see the whole story through her eyes…
About the „insight“ : I think you have a point there but I wrote the whole part with her as the personal narrator, so I didnt have the chance to switch that. All you can see is her point of viwe and I didnt wanna split because it would have maybe gone wrong and become confusing. She/You tell the story, he and his thoughts can only be a part o fit. Sometimes it is very hard, like when he looks into her eyes and suddenly he knows something… we don’t know that and I can’t simply claim that he suddenly feels it. All I can say ist hat he apparentely seems to sense it or that she feels/ sensest hat he knows something. It is always a little easier with a third person narrator but then I could not have gone into detail with her feelings and see the whole story through her eyes…
About the gore :) We met this rich girl that gets kidnapped, actually, we are the rich girl getting
kidnapped ;) but I wanted to see how far she would go to protect
someone. It gives the reader some more insight and another piece or part of her
personality. She can be weak and stupid – fighting like a four year old with
her husband – but she can also be strong and handle a lot of blood.
I wanted both of their characters to develop, his character even over a long time from careless kid to abused, to a monk and then fighting his way back by becoming a soldier and even rescuing her.
I wanted both of their characters to develop, his character even over a long time from careless kid to abused, to a monk and then fighting his way back by becoming a soldier and even rescuing her.
Caroline said...
Wow! That was intense!
Maybe I will start writing a historical as well. can I still ask for a challenge from you or can I also write my own?
I will try and read the whole fic again tonight and get all the small details. It is a great story! What I liked especially about it was the dead people that were not dead at all. I had said goodbye to my second fave and all of a sudden he turns up again! I was so sure it would be my fave on the table! That is what I really liked about it. It was not easy to foresee the next things that were about to happen.
I was also glad about the happy end even though it came a little sudden for me. But I guess it would have killed the story if you had written about them having kids or getting married. It would have enlarged the story and killed the point. Great work! I can't wait for moore historical stories to come!
Maybe I will start writing a historical as well. can I still ask for a challenge from you or can I also write my own?
I will try and read the whole fic again tonight and get all the small details. It is a great story! What I liked especially about it was the dead people that were not dead at all. I had said goodbye to my second fave and all of a sudden he turns up again! I was so sure it would be my fave on the table! That is what I really liked about it. It was not easy to foresee the next things that were about to happen.
I was also glad about the happy end even though it came a little sudden for me. But I guess it would have killed the story if you had written about them having kids or getting married. It would have enlarged the story and killed the point. Great work! I can't wait for moore historical stories to come!
@Caroline: You can
still ask for a challenge if it inspires you J
but you may also write your own story.
I was actually hoping that none oft he things that happened in the story would be easy to foresee. The easy (and maybe boring) way would have been: Girl kidnapped, kidnapper falls in love, they hate each other, they love each other, they end up married with kids and have a little farm. That is what I didnt want in that story ;)
I was actually hoping that none oft he things that happened in the story would be easy to foresee. The easy (and maybe boring) way would have been: Girl kidnapped, kidnapper falls in love, they hate each other, they love each other, they end up married with kids and have a little farm. That is what I didnt want in that story ;)
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