We go a new fic by Zaries on, read enjoy and have a great day!
Title: What we'll do for love
Author: Zaries
Rating: All
Genre: R, D
Pages: 14
Cast: You, your best friend and four lifers
Teaser: She left him without letting him know she is carrying their little one. He moved on and get back in relationship with his ex-girlfriend. An accidental colliding in front of a store have brought back everything to present. What choice would he made when he find out the truth…
10 comments:
This was a lovely story especially the happy ending.
I'm sorry but the grammar is horrible, unreadable.
I like the story.
Just perhaps it would be a good idea to start new a new sentence when the character's speak because if it's all in one line or a whole paragraph it makes it very difficult to read and follow (Ps this is something I used to do when I first started writing, i wanted to use every space available so I put it all in and to be honest it looked terrible so I changed and spaced things out a bit better) so keep that in mind. :-)
Sam : thank you but actually I have a different ending, dunno how it became different..
Haru Alanis : I'll keep it in mind next time..
Vick : actually when I submit the story, it is in new paragraph for each dialogs. Maybe there's a mistake on scripting. And I do remember your story The Bet Of Love. I really hope you could finish it as you end the story with Vick & Mark fall from bed lol
I couldn't read the story,because the grammar was so bad. It really ruined what I believe must be a good story.
@Ririey
Oh yes 'The Bet of Love' haha. Crazy story that one. Well with my first semester nearly done I should have some time during the holiday break to add to it. As for my two characters falling off the bed..LOL...I have a few things planned for them and the other couples... ;-) :-P
Hey guys!
We can't ask you not to state you opinion, especially because we want you to comment on the fics and not just do the lovey-dovey and give only comments like "So cute".
But remember that most of us have some grammar problems and are not natives, so try not to be too harsh, especially with our younger writers. we all try to learn some more and make it better, alright?
Ok, I finally read this properly today.
I had started reading it when it was posted, but I just couldn't make most of it out and I was in a rush... so I took my time today and read it all again.
First... the good part. I did like the idea of the story. The whole premise I could believe. I just wanted to bitch-slap the dad. I liked the idea of how she sacrificed herself for Shane... because it was Shane for me. Overall, the development of the story was good.
The bad. I don't know if it was a scripting error or not. But the paragraphs all mixed up made it very hard to read and understand at first.
I copied the whole thing into a word document and used proper punctuation, did a few grammar corrections and it was so much better.
I am not judging Grammar because I am not a native English speaker myself, and mistakes do slip out in my own stories... maybe next time this author should ask someone to proof the stories beforehand. Hey, I would even offer to help out. I think the story loses a lot when there are such mistakes. And this was a very, very good attempt, I thought.
Keep it up, Zares!
^^
The word-version of this story did indeed have paragraphs to some extend and they got lost during the scripting. I usually try to get them back again by manually adding spaces between them but I really struggled with this one as the structure wasn't optimal in the original version either.
It would help if you did two 'enters' between each paragraph instead of one (does that make sense lol) For some reason my scripting program tends to delete what, roughly translated from Dutch, we'd call 'soft enters'. Ahh, tech talk, sorry. I don't think I got that across at all.
Anyways, I appreciate the effort you put in this. I've read your first story too and I think you've progressed a lot. I really enjoyed the storyline but the way you switched between past and present tense did make it hard to read for me at times. Just keep an eye on that. :)
I couldn't read it either, I kept just skipping ahead hoping to find something that made sense, it never came.
When I have more time, I'll try copying it into word and fixing it up too, but for now, I don't so I'll leave it at this:
Great story idea, it definitely looks like it has potential. Keep it up.
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